One flew over the cuckoo's nest

As I was catching up on my blog reading, I stumbled across a blog completely dedicated to exposing crazy people at the workplace.  It is interactive so that readers can post their stories of insanity in both anonymous and exposed ways.  Is a blog like this completely insane?  Sure it is.

I'm just upset that I haven't thought about this blog idea myself since I have worked with some cra-a-a-a-zies.  LOL.  Well on that blog I was reading about people who work in restaurants, if you read some of those stories you'd be up at night because these accounts are so unreal.  That is why I've decided not to promote the site on my blog.  It's just a guilty pleasure for me - like reality TV on the Bravo Network.

As I work in Hollywood I have many, many stories.  I'd actually like to contribute to that blog and I've been thinking of how to share my stories that will have a broad appeal; changing names to protect the nut jobs people with whom I've worked to get a chuckle. You see my stories are pretty insider - meaning you'd only get it if you work or have ever worked in Hollywood.  But I'm certain I can write my history with a broader appeal much like the contributing writers of that blog.

To divulge or not to divulge that is the question.  My stories are the types of stories that Miramax Films would produce.

Humm, should I tell the story of the production coordinator who got on her hands and knees in an open office, crying, asking me to help her figure out why no one likes her nor wants to work with her?

Or maybe the story of the business owner who was so short he would stand erect by my side when talking to me puffing out his chest and purching up on his toes in an attempt to be taller than me, while I found myself hunching over and leaning on a desk to accommodate his Nepolian complex.


Or maybe the story of the business owner who scolded me for informing him about his friend who came from "back home/the hood" to work for us and wound up spending hundreds of dollars in limo charges [that he didn't tell us about nor could repay] due to his driver licences being revoked, only to have that business owner say to me, "If I want to hire all of my friends to work for me and they wind up driving my business into the ground, that's my business!!"  I said, "Well Blank [name intentionally left out] all I was doing was informing you of who is spending your money and how, that's part of my job."  Boy I have a nerve.  Now, this same knucklehead used to arrive at the office around the same time as me and as we were parking we exchanged morning pleasantries.  Later he asked his assistant to call me to ask me to not park my car in the garage near his car EVER.


Or the time when I was hired as office HR manager, and had a weekly budget for flowers, found the current vendor to be lasy and unprofessional each week by delivering expensive DEAD flowers to the office by leaving them at the front door before opening hours.  When I found a new vendor who created beautiful arrangements of live, colorful, reasonably priced flowers,  I sat them side by side @ reception for the owners to see the work of substandard and professional vendors.  Now I never fired the lazy vendor because I wanted them to see that they were being scammed.  They didn't believe me in a prior conversation that the flowers were being delivered dead, not the dried flower look from the 80's, DEAD flowers with no water in the base of the vases.  However I was reprimanded because the owners wife's friend was the DEAD flower vendor and they thought that she should continue to have the contract of their business.  My feeling is if you have an image of wealth and you like live floral arrangements throughout your offices, those flowers should represent your image.  If you want to help a friend, give them a financial gift and send them away, don't pretend that they are conducting business with you.  Nepotism makes strange bed fellows.


Or the time when my boss, a business owner, called me in his office to review budgets, asked me to come over to his side of the desk to look at documents and once I followed that instruction he then asked me to stand on the other side of the desk and then told me he was no longer in the mood to work so he asked me to return to my office.  This all happened in about 5 minutes.


Or recently the assistant accountant who quit the job a few weeks early, cried in an open office on her last day and said very loud to me (after I was informed about my last day of work [which was several days later]) "I hope you never find work again since you didn't contribute to my AIDS charity when I asked for donations. Those poor people, I'm trying to help them and you told me you couldn't donate any money."  My response: "Sweetie, this job is over for me, I was given my day of wrap so the only contributions I'm prepared to make are to my savings.  And why are you crying and trying to bully me? Let me decide my philanthropic path.  You're a tad too old for this type of behavior.  Ask the producer who makes about a grillion dollars per week for a donation.  He's going to be on payroll for at least another month or two."


Or my favorite - a coworker asked me to join her, her husband and her husbands friend for lunch during which me and the husband had a lovely conversation.  My co-worker and his friend sat quietly they could have contributed to the conversation but chose to observe. As we were leaving the restaurant her husband thanked me for joining them, proceeded to reach for me to hug me goodbye and she jumped in the middle of us and said "un, un he's my man."  Well Duhhhh!! [I didn't say that, but I should have.] Really? Are you kidding me? HE reached over to embrace ME. And you watched that with your own eyes." 

In closing all I have to say about these incidents is: Who does that?

Nah, I decided against telling any of those stories.  Because as I read film and TV credits these people are still working and thriving today.  And God bless them.  I could type on for another page but what would be the point?